Identity

I have many single friends.  Amazing, successful, caring, trustworthy, honest, loyal and Godly men and women who for one reason or another have either never been married or find themselves single after the death of a loved one or a divorce.  There have been lots of conversations around why it's so hard to find that perfect mate.   I have a lot of thoughts on this topic and perhaps in future blogs I'll share some of them with you as I reread this book which talks about finding your identity in Christ before being complete or whole enough to love and be loved by a human. 

Before you continue reading the rest of this blog, go listen to @laurendaigle song "You Say."

Did you listen to it?
 
Your worth is not found in a human.  I promise you that humans will let you down.  No one is perfect and when you place that burden on another to be perfect, when they fail you - and they will - your world will come crashing down.  You'll feel betrayed, defeated, broken, confused.  You might even be angry and start telling yourself you'll never find someone that will love you the way you need/want to be loved.  I'm sorry to tell you but you never will find a human that will love you that way.   A human was never meant to complete you, to fill that void in your heart.  Would you look deep into your heart today and ask yourself what you long for?  What your heart aches for.  Is it companionship?  Someone to hold you?  Love?  Acceptance?  A place where you feel safe, where you feel like you belong?

Now will you take that same energy and effort that you put into finding or being in a human relationship that you think is going to complete you, and place it into a relationship with the One that will never disappoint you or let you down?  Into a relationship with the One who will fill that emptiness in your heart that you can't seem to fill no matter how hard you try.

I've been single 11 years now and at times it's been a very lonely journey.  I've questioned God, asking Him why He hasn't brought me an amazing Godly partner with whom I can experience this life.   But when I am quiet and still, seeking His will for my life and not my own selfish desires, I hear Him say ,"I am enough."  Friends, HE IS ENOUGH!  Of course I still long for that physical touch, that human closeness, but when that ache begins to well up in my soul I reach for the arms of Jesus that are always open.  It might be through a song or the hug of one of my nieces and nephews. Or it might just be while sitting at my dining room table with a cup of coffee and my Bible that I feel the arms of Jesus holding me, reminding me that He is enough.

Then one day, when we least expect it, God may bring someone into our lives that has found that same completeness and wholeness in Christ.  Someone who doesn't expect you to be perfect  but someone who does expect you to have shortcomings and faults. yet loves you in spite of them.  You get to talking with that person and you realize that whatever comes your way you'll be able to work through it because your identity is not found in that person, rather your identity is in Jesus.  Someone you will be able to weather any storm with because you are secure in knowing that God's the center of that relationship.

But what if that "one day" doesn't come?   Are you prepared for that?   What if God has something greater for your life than a human relationship?  Do you trust God enough to believe that He knows what is best for you?   That He knows the desires of your heart and that His timing is always on time!?  In your quiet time with God today, talk to him and tell Him exactly what you would tell a human being if they were sitting next to you.   Talk to Him like you would your best friend.  Don't hold anything back. He longs for this relationship with you as deeply as you long for a human relationship.   Let Him be enough.  


And when He has  become enough and you have found your identity in Jesus and you believe He has called you to greater things with a human by your side, consider these attributes for your future partner as you pray for them:

A (wo)man who takes time to feed your heart and honor your dreams.   A (wo)man who nurtures your weaknesses and carries your burdens.  A (wo)man who tells you over and over again that you're beautiful.  A (wo)man that sees beyond your flaws and embraces your quirks.  A (wo)man who puts your needs first and theirs second.  A (wo)man who praises your efforts and accepts your failings.  A (wo)man who holds you when you crumble and raises you when you desperately need the lift.  A (wo)man who forgives your mistakes and remembers your gifts.  A (wo)man who listens to your thoughts and cherishes your perspective.  A (wo)man who realizes your potential and admires your purpose.  A (wo)man who trusts you with their vulnerabilities and realizes their insecurities.  A (wo)man of honesty and strength and integrity who can lead your family with faith and perseverance.  A (wo)man of deep abiding passion for all they hold dear.  A (wo)man that never gives up or lets go, because sometimes life gets hard.  A (wo)man who realizes their worth and values yours.  A (wo)man who sacrifices much so that you can have plenty.  A (wo)man who loves you as you are and celebrates as you grow.  A (wo)man who is committed and dedicated to loving you.  A (wo)man who seeks Jesus first in everything, for everything.  (Christine Carter)