REAL

What does "real" mean to you?

Merriam- Webster defines "real" with these words

actually existing or happening : not imaginary

: not fake, false, or artificial

: important and deserving to be regarded or treated in a serious way

I'm challenging myself to be more real and it has not been as easy as it might sound.

Does this mean when I'm having a bad day I don't pretend to be doing wonderful?
When I feel like being alone, does this mean I go home and sit on my couch and watch football vs, being social?
Does this mean when someone asks me how I'm doing, I tell them the truth?

I read of many colleagues that are complete introverts and guess what?  I may be the biggest  introver of us all.   But what's funny is that I'm in a customer service business.  My job all day long is to take care of people and things all around me.   I probably answer close to 100  questions a day and I don't even have kids.  :). Well, none the I have raised.

I've been working at giving people my undivided attention when they are speaking to me or asking me a question but I struggle.  What do I say to those people that purposely monopolize my time?  Or are they just crying out for someone to listen?   What do I say to people that are truly trying to know the "real" me but I've got a bajillion other things going on? What do I say when I just want to be alone?

How real should one be?    How real do you want someone to be?   I often hate asking people how they are doing unless I truly have time to listen to them.   I want to genuinely care how that person is doing if I ask them a question like that.  But I'm not sure other people really want to know how I'm doing, so why do they ask?

How are you real with people? Colleagues? Family? Friends?  Do you have tips on ways to be more real?  

My problem may not be so much about being "real" as much as it is about exposing my vulnerability the more real I am.   Sound familiar?

Beyond Blessed

I look back at my 38 years if life and I realize, frequently, that I am beyond blessed.

Blessed to be born and raised in the Robinson family.
Blessed to be born in America
Blessed to be the oldest daughter of a large family
Blessed to have a strong education provided by my mother
Blessed to have had the opportunity to travel internationally starting at young age
Blessed to realize how spoiled American children are
Blessed to realize it's the simple things in life that make someone happy
Blessed to be able to afford to go to college (I'm almost done paying it off)
Blessed to have experienced married life
Blessed to have earned the job of a lifetime
Blessed to be able to serve my country
Blessed to experience joy after the pain of a divorce
Blessed to know I will see my sweet love ones again in heaven (hopefully soon)
Blessed to have the most amazing sisters a girl could ask for
Blessed to have an amazing relationship with my best friend for over 25 years now
Blessed to know there are people praying for me all over the world
Blessed to feel I'm right smack dab in the middle of God's will for my life
Blessed to know that He's got it all under control, I need only trust.

And most importantly, BLESSED that I have an amazing heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally: faults, failures and all and He still calls me daughter because of what Jesus did at Calvary.   Nothing I deserve, nothing I am entitled to....just Mercy and Grace at it's finest.  

Look at your life today, find those blessing, and be blessed!

Behind the Barbed Wire

For the better part of my adult life, since college, I have lived behind fences of barbed wire.

No!  I've not been in prison.

But I have not always lived in places where my job and my nationality have been looked at very favourably.  Where, while we have tried to bring peace, stability, and sovereignty, we are still at risk.

So I live behind barbed wire. 

Don't get me wrong, I can get out.  This city is AMAZING!  The food...to die for.   The traffic - very similar, if not worse, to L.A. (yes, it's possible).   The people - searching.   Looking to belong.   Trying to keep up with the Jones's.  Although, over here, it might be "keeping up with the Saliba's".

Anyhow....at the end of a shopping outing, a beach excursion, an amazing brunch on the Corniche,  a day of antique shopping, I go back behind the barbed wire.

From my porch I have the most amazing view of the Mediterranean Ocean - through the barbed wire.

Other than San Diego, CA and Corolla, NC, I have never seen more beautiful sunsets - through the barbed wire.   I love my piece of peace and tranquility, but it's through the barbed wire I get to enjoy it.  

At the end of the day, I can't leave whenever I want.  I can't tear down the barbed wire.   I can't pay someone to remove it.   I can't will it to be gone.   

While my barbed wire is literal, I know figurative barbed wire exists everywhere.

People live behind barbed wire with the hope that no one will notice the wire.   That others won't notice they don't have it all together?  That behind the barbed wire they feel like no one can hurt them, touch them, effect them.

 Are YOU choosing to live behind your figurative barbed wire?  

Someday...I know I won't always live behind barbed wire.    I'll be able to go to the grocery store whenever I want (not only when there is a scheduled outing).  I can stop at the local Starbucks on my way home from a weekend ski trip and not have to ask "permission".   Literal barbed wire is way easier to tear down than figurative barbed fences.  

It's time to get the wire cutters out.   It's time to tear down those walls.   Barbed wire is comfortable because you can see through the wire yet still have something between you and what you presume will hurt you.  You pretend your participating, your engaging, but you aren't.  You are still separating yourself from whatever it is on the other side of the wire.   You're depriving yourself of life, of love, of friendship.  Granted you're always shielding yourself from hurt, pain and disappointment.  But let me tell you a secret:  whether you are behind the barbed wire or not, you can and will still experience hurt, pain and disappointment - that's life! 

It may be really hard to take those first cuts on your own.   Maybe you need someone to help you snip, snip, snip.   Don't shut people out.  Don't pretend anymore that you enjoy looking at life from the outside.   Ask for help, ask for a listening ear.  Let others love and encourage you.  Let them take the kids for the weekend,  buy you a cup of coffee.  Baby steps, but start clipping those wires.

Maybe you are on the other side of the barbed wire...enjoying life, taking it with all its crazy twists and turns and you remember what it's like on the other side.  You can identify those that are shutting themselves off from all the good things their barbed wire is keeping them from. 

Reach out - offer to take the kids, offer to sit and chat over a cup of coffee, mow their lawn, clean their house.  Remember what it was like to live behind that barbed wire and encourage those around you still behind it to make that first clip.  Offer help, no one can do it on their own.

Remember....HE is able.  

Perfect Chairs Need Not Apply

My furniture arrived this week and I have been hustling and bustling around trying to get everything ready before my Pre-4th of July Party.   Friday afternoon I wasn't feeling my best so I sat down and began to put an Adirondack chair together.

Maybe you've seen one of these chairs at the Hotel Del or in the Outer Banks.  They are often seen sea-side in any state, country.   And here I am, on the Med, trying to bring a little bit of my hometown to my temporary home-town.

Mind you, I have never built one of these before and had no idea how much time I was about to invest in a project of this magnitude.   I turned on the t.v. and set out to build this little piece of the ocean.

First of all...there were MANY pieces.  I pulled out all the wood pieces and confirmed all my pieces were accounted for.  I did the same with the hardware. Everything was there. Next, the pre-assembly, beginning with the back of the chair. Easy-peasy.  I got this...no problem.

Wow, there is a lot of hardware to keep this chair together. LOTS of hardware. 

The directions are clear, but slightly confusing.  They tell you what number piece of wood goes with the next piece of wood and what hardware to use on each piece of wood.  While it seemed quite self-explanatory, if you didn't read each line word for word and check off each step, it was not difficult to miss a step. 

I understand why now the directions state not to tighten the pieces until the very end.

When I finished the first piece, I was so very proud of myself.   As I began to collect all the cardboard and plastic, I discovered...a piece of wood.   A piece of wood that should have been on my chair.  The directions said I would have an extra screw, and an extra bolt but there was nothing in the directions that said there would be an extra piece of wood.

I carefully set my chair on an even surface and sat down and put all my weight on the part of the chair with the missing piece of wood.

The chair....held!   It did not break, it did not fall apart.  It didn't even seem unsteady.  It was a great chair.   I moved it outside amongst all the other patio furniture and forgot about it. 

After my guests arrived and all the goodies were on the table.  After the BBQ had been started and everyone had a drink, I looked over to the Adirondack chair and someone was sitting in it, enjoying great fellowship with those around him. My chair was doing just fine.

Sunday I got around to building the second Adirondack chair.  Only this time, I read the directions and avoided distraction.   I wanted my full attention on building this chair.  And build it I did. And follow directions, I did. It took a lot of concentration and patience but I finished the chair and only had the correct amount of hardware left over.  

I have put my two masterpieces side by side for your viewing pleasure.

As you can see, they are different, they are not perfect, they don't have all their pieces, but they serve the same purpose.  They fulfill the reason they are put together as a chair and not used for firewood. 

I thought about myself a lot during this project.   I'm not perfect.   I have a missing piece or two (life can do that).   I have flaws and imperfections but I am still valuable.  I'm still useful to someone, I'm exactly who God made me to be, imperfections and all. 

I am so thankful that God still sees me usable even though I'm not perfect.   I'm thankful he doesn't judge me based on my imperfections.  He loves me the same.   He still has great plans for my life, despite my faults. 

We'll see how long the imperfect chair continues to do it's job.   I'm betting my entire tour.  You may even see some enhancements to my imperfect chair...but we will walk that road if/when we get there.

For today, what's in your life that you look at on a daily/weekly basis and think you should throw out or get rid of it because it's not quite right?   Look at it again.  Is it serving it's purpose?  Is it capable of being all it was meant to be even with it's inadequacies?

We're not perfect, not one of us...but God can use us just as we are, if we don't give up.  If we don't stop doing our part.  Praying for you friends.   HE IS ABLE!

Only Ship?

Do you ever feel like the only ship in an ocean full of water?
There is no land to be seen
You're floating for days, weeks, months, years
No one else around, no land to be found.

But every morning you see the sunrise and
 every evening you watch the sunset. 
You know something is out there
You can sense it...feel it
It gives you HOPE

Don't give up
Even when you have days like this
You can't find land
You can't see another sign of life

Look up~
Watch the sunrise
Observe the sunset
You're not alone
He is with you always

He is all around you
Going before you
Coming behind you
Protecting you
Leading/Guiding you

Don't lose heart
Don't give up
Have faith
An island is just beyond the horizon

Busy, Busy, Busy...but not SO busy!

Everyday I wake up to tackle the day and think today is the day that I am going to get "caught up", make some "head way" in the piles of paper on my desk and the longest "to do" list I've probably ever had.

A "to do" list that never gets done because things roll from one day to the next and more is added?

Yesterday was supposed to be that magical day where I got caught up, except 14 packages came in the mail for me that I needed to take care of right away because, frankly, they took up more space in my office than 1/2 the people in it.  But seriously...14 packages.  All of which required two people (two strong people) to carry up to my office.

Today I was supposed to be able to do this.  I even got up a little bit early so I could get a head start on it.  Today I was dealing with VIP visitors, immediate requests, meetings and more meetings...all while also training an assistant.

This evening, about 7pm, someone came to my desk and said...Put it all away and let's go grab dinner.   I stated I was almost done but had two more things I needed to get done.   Just two more.  The person asked, "how much longer" which I replied, "about 15 minutes".   "Great 730pm, I can pick you up outside the office."  "Ok, no problem", I said.   8pm I walked out of my office because I knew a colleague was waiting for me, and quite possibly a second.

Dang it....EPIC FAIL

It felt so great to get out of the office and do something non-work related...although we talked more work that I cared to.  Then, I came home, called my mom and talked to my mom and nieces on Skype for 45 minutes.  

Are you too busy?  Are your priorities in check?  Are you remembering to take time for you?

I know that I haven't been to the gym in 3 weeks.   I know I will feel better once I get an awesome workout in.   I hadn't talked to my mom since Father's Day (who can forget calling their Father) but before that it had been at least 10 days since I had talked to mom and dad.

Life is TOO short.  Your workplace will not be who takes care of you when you are older, or sick, or forgetful, or lose your eyesight, etc.   Family/Friends will.

Invest!   Invest in people.  Invest in family and friends.  You'll never regret it.  However, you might regret it if you invest in your job and the company folds, goes down, becomes bankrupt.  Invest in eternal things...you'll never regret it.

He is able.

Coming and Going

I live in a culture where coming and going is quite natural.  No one stays in one place long.  Quite often it's every 2-3 years that we get reassigned and move from one part of the world to another.  But I have had the fortunate pleasure of doing it every 12 months and as often as every 6-8 weeks.

For now, I'm established.  My household effects should be here soon.  Someone even told me the other day my place is starting to come into itself, meaning I've been decorating.   But now, people all around me are coming and going.

Because I've been in their shoes a hundred times, I'm really trying to be inclusive of people visiting for just a short time.   I'm trying to get them out and about in town, well it's still relatively permissive to do so, go to the beaches, wineries, museums, restaurants, etc.   I know how it feels to be stuck in my hotel room or short term rental with no where to go, no one inviting me over for dinner, not understanding the lay of the land. 

Look around.  Do you see people like I just described?  In your neighborhood, at your place of work, at your children's school?   You encounter people each and every day - which one is feeling like a loner?  Which one is looking for a girlfriend or a guy pal to chat up about things going on in their lives?  Who is searching for just a shopping pal?  A gym accomplice?

If you are anything like me you're thinking: when in the world do I have time to start a new friendship, to take a new colleague under my wing, to ask that newly divorced parent to coffee?  When?  I have a job...a family...I volunteer at my kids school...I sing in the choir at church...My family and I help feed the homeless on Saturday mornings.   When am I going to find time to make another friend.  Besides, I have plenty of them.

Imagine yourself sitting home alone day in and day out.  Imagine being the new person in the office and not feeling like you fit in.  Think for a second being the only mom not included in a mom huddle while waiting for the kids to get out of school.  

I know you have someone who is at the forefront of your thoughts right now.  Someone God has been laying on your heart to reach out to, maybe even become friends with.   (GASP) Yes, friends with.  Be His hands and feet.   Extend mercy and grace to someone who may not even know what those words mean.   Have compassion, but not pity!  Imagine yourself in their shoes...what would you hope someone would do for you - then do it for someone who really does need it.

Put your pride and status aside and let God work through you.    He is Able!

Changes

ChAnGeS

Have you ever had a dream?

And prayed and prayed that God would give you that dream?

Did you ever wonder if that dream would come true?

Did it ever come close and then slip away?

Have you ever felt like everything was falling apart around you but you knew GOD was in control, still on the throne but He was simply asking you to trust Him?

Fall 2012 I was excited about starting a new chapter in my life that was going to be very good for my career.  I was literally two weeks away from this new chapter when tragedy struck.  Nobody could have seen coming what occurred.  No one would have dreamed it on their worst enemy, but it changed my life forever and the lives of many I care about.  It also altered my career plans. 

I was confused, disappointed, frustrated, maybe even a little angry.   I thought I had done everything right to get me to that point, but tragedy struck.  It was completely beyond my control.  I thought it was God's way of giving me my dream.  Because tragedy struck, it looked like a door might be opening for me to finally have my dream.  Beauty from ashes, right?  That's what you and I have both heard, but God had different plans.  Instead...I was assigned back to Washington.   

Washington, DC:  A place that holds so many memories of a failed marriage.   The beginning of the end of my marriage.   Why would God ask me to go back there for two years?  Why would I have to drive the same roads, visit the same establishments, see remnants of my failed marriage any many corners and curves?   How would I survive?  Would I survive?

TWO LONG YEARS!

Are you asking why God would not only take your dream away when it's literally right in front of you, to only put you in a place that reminds you of pain and loss?   Are you wondering if God really cares about you?  and your happiness?

I took a job back in Washington that I knew would not give me opportunity for promotion but I would be fulfilled and happy during my time, at least professionally.   But alas, I had another terrible disappointment on the professional front.   I just didn't understand.  One thing after another after another.  On top of that, my sister now had 2 little girls and by Summer 14, yet a third.  Being 3,000 miles away was one of the hardest parts of my life, personally.  What was God's plan?  I had no idea!  None. And I didn't see answers anywhere.   

There are many things God has done in the past year to get me where I am today.   I will share a couple of those in the coming months and years but I'll tell you this much now: God is God!  He is Sovereign.  He is always on time!  He is never, ever late! He's got a plan!  HE IS ABLE!  No matter what happens, don't ever doubt that.  

Today...I write from my living room, truly living my dream.  I'm right where I have always dreamed of being, doing exactly what I love doing.   I'll tell you more about that in the coming month but just know...it is possible!  Seek the Lord, trust Him with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.  Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.