Topsy Turvey

The title of this post has been the story of my life the past few weeks.  A little inside out and upside down.

I received an email from a friend a few weeks ago now, that really threw my life in a tailspin.  It caught me off guard, made me vulnerable and made me reflect on some things in my life I thought I had put behind me - a year ago.

When I first read the email, I was mad.  I slammed my computer shut because the computer was the mode by which the information was delivered so it had to be my computers fault - right?

I must say, at first, I did a really good job of standing my ground.  Of holding fast and true to what I know is best for me.  But was time progressed and I was not daily in the word...I was unable to resist and I could have put myself in a bad situation.  HOWEVER....

God is bigger and knows the plans He has for us.  I was praying...for guidance and direction but I wasn't saturating myself in the Word.  He was taking the little bit I was giving Him, looking at my heart and helping me decide what was best for me, even when sometime I wasn't doing a good job of it myself.

I was able to fly home for a few days this week...literally...a few days...and when I stopped over in the ATL as a layover, I attempted to make a bad decision again.  HOWEVER...

God had a different plan.  None of the phone booths worked.  Not a one in the whole B concourse.  How awesome is that?

I long desperately for the arms of my Heavenly Father to be wrapped around me, I just don't feel them right now.  Might be because I am holding Him at arm's length.  Might be because I am slightly irritated that  I don't have clear direction for my life come September.  Might be that I am just out of touch with Him and feeling His strong, warm embrace would mean I would have to be broken before Him and right now I am scared to be broken...AGAIN.

I'm a stubborn stubborn gal.  Ask anyone who knows me in the slightest.  I got the nickname "hammer" this last trip I was on.    
Lord - you be the hammer.
Lord - you break me, shape me into that person You desire me to be.