Hardest Week of my Year (Every Year)

15 October 2013 a few parallels to 15 October 2009

well, maybe one, the Dodgers are in the National League Playoffs.  (Yes, I grew up in San Diego but my ENTIRE family has always been Dodger fans). 

But the differences are much more real

I am home and have been for the last 10 months.  The longest I have been stateside in 9 years.  
I am all alone in a strange city.  Yes, I know it well, but it still feels like a foreign land.
I may not get paid (yup, I'm a Federal employee) at the end of the month.  
I'm single with no prospects in sight...talk about lonely.
Grace Debbie Shedd has now been in heaven for 4 years and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. 

15 October of every year starts the longest week of my life.   

15 October 2009 - my sister lost her first daughter to this horrible disease http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition/trisomy-13 
17 October  - my ex-husband was born
19 October  - This year would have been my 11 year marriage anniversary

Before heading to bed tonight, I opened Jesus Calling by Sarah Young today and the devotion said this:

"Pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in Me. Bearing your circumstances bravely - even thank Me for them - is one of the highest forms of praise".

"When suffering strikes, remember that I am sovereign and that I can bring good out of everything.  Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems".

"Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust and thankfulness".

I have always been so busy, working, every year since we lost Grace and since my marriage ended almost 6 years ago.   But this year, I don't have anything.  Not really even a job (unless by some miracle the government reopens).   So I have to face this week head on.  I can't hide behind anything.   I won't be too busy to acknowledge the heartache that I'm feeling,

My emotions are gonna be raw this week, they're gonna be more real than probably they ever have been, and I know that God is going to refine me, make me stronger...and continue the process to make me more like Him.  

If you think about it this week...will you pray for me?  

And will you please pray for my sister Kim?   She is by far the strongest woman I have ever met but I know she would covet your prayers tomorrow.