I started running late in life...I was probably just over 30 when I started running distances longer than sprints on the basketball court. When I got started, I loved running, the alone time - just me and my thoughts, the thrill of accomplishment, the way my body felt after completing a looooong run. I had completed several half marathons on treadmills all over the world but completed my first “official” half marathon in March 2013 in Washington, D.C.
Fast forward 4 1/2 years and I’m officially “over the hill”. It’s been a good long while since I’ve run any distance let alone a 10k but I decided to sign up for one in Abu Dhabi in mid-November. The weather should be beautiful but the timing couldn’t be worse. . Even a 10k requires training, granted not a lot, but if I want to walk normal the next day (which I don't just want to, I NEED to), I need to train.
So last week I began my training. 3 miles, not too bad, but I got this pain behind my knees. Can any of my runner friends tell me what pain behind the knees is supposed to mean? I stretched and stretched some more. I did a few short runs then decided on an hour run (since honestly, that’s as long as the treadmill will run before I have to restart) so I could test my endurance level.
Once I started I knew I wasn’t going to make an hour. Read that last sentence again. What? I knew before mile 1 I wasn’t going to get much further? Friends, I have no idea who invaded my body, or more accurately my brain, but it was not someone I recognized. I am not one to give up on anyone or anything. I ain’t doing it, yet I could feel myself willing failure. Read that again- willing failure. Stop right now and think of something you are willing failure about. Do you even recognize yourself or these thoughts of insecurity?
Monday morning was a short run, 3 miles and I had to convince myself the whole time, c’mon, you can do anything for 10 mins, or 8 mins, or you can make it to that light. What happens at 40 that your body now says “ um....I don’t think so”?
I had so many thoughts going through my head during the big run late last week and the shorter run today (note: I don’t run with music, I like to be alone in my thoughts, just me and God). Well, that’s all good and dandy but lately my thoughts have been everywhere but focused on my training, so it’s been tricky.
But guess what? I finished what I set out to do on all my runs, since I started training, I completed my goal, I didn’t give up and I didn’t compromise my integrity. No one was watching, no one was pacing me, it was just me believing in myself and not accepting “failure”. I kept repeating that bible verse in Philippians 4 - “I can do all thing through Christ who gives me strength”.
It’s not my strength nor your strength that is required so that you can do all things- it’s the Lord’s! Do you believe that today? Let Him carry the burden. If you try to do it on your own you will surely fail, maybe not right away, but you will. Trust Him with ALL your heart, not just a little bit. Lean not on your own understanding because His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not even close to our thoughts. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.
Promises...such sweet promises! Lean on these promises today. He hasn’t failed you and me yet and He is not gonna start today! He’s going to take the ashes and make something oh so beautiful, something so unrecognizable, the only explanation is going to be God.
I don’t know if my running days are coming to an end or I need to persevere through this season in life - I’ll keep the blog world posted after a few more weeks. Whatever my lot, it is well...with...my soul.
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