Can I wake up and start a Tuesday, 5 September again?
I'm usually one who takes a day as it comes and embraces the good and the bad, the tears and the laughter, but today...I failed.
Quite frankly I feel like I've been slowly moving in that direction but today felt like I failed at everything.
I promised someone I would do something by the end of the day but I ran out of time, and that email never got sent before the office went home for the day so there are still three cars sitting in the parking lot that shouldn't be. I failed as a co-worker.
I promised myself I would have more patience with a particular person but after a 3 hour video conference call where nothing was resolved and I ended up more discouraged than when I started...my last thread of patience was severed. I failed as a colleague.
Life is throwing some serious punches at people I love dearly but I was tired and frustrated and while I listened, I couldn't offer Godly counsel or sound advice because I was negotiating with God on how to fix the situation, not on my knees on behalf of my loved ones, praying for God to intercede. I failed as a family member.
A dear friend called me to chat about life and I unloaded on him about the woes of my day. He sat and listened very intently and even offered some sweet encouragement and all I could muster in return was "So, how are you?" When I sensed his heart was heavy with issues of his own I didn't prod a little deeper to try to see what need He had, I was too self-absorbed. I failed as a friend.
As I was driving home at 1030 at night from work, God laid a particular burden for someone on my heart and I sensed He wanted me to ask that person a very pointed question about their future. I wrestled with God -frustrated- asking Him how/why He would lay such a tremendous burden on my heart for someone else when I needed/longed for similar direction in my life? Who was I to encourage someone to really seek Gods will about a particular area of their life, when I needed it just as much if not more than they did?
I was almost immediately humbled by a still small voice in my heart that asked "Have you sought me? Have you longed after me? Have you asked me to guide you? Or have you been attempting to doing life on your own?"
Whoa! Excuse me? I pray everyday. I have dialogue with my Father continuously, what is this still small voice about? It can't judge me.
Oh, but it can, and it does, and it will. I'm thankful for that still small voice tonight. It brought life into perspective for me again. Life isn't roses and gumdrops, flowers and rainbows. There are going to be seasons of rain and mint lifesaver candies; seasons of cleansing and renewal which maybe uncomfortable and uneasy. But don't give up.
I remember saying to this dear friend yesterday, "I'm done!" What? I'm not a quitter, I don't give up easily but darkness tried to hide my light and I just about threw in the towel. I know there is deep darkness just before the dawn breaks but today felt like dawn would never come.
Guess what friends? As I am writing these last few paragraphs, the dawn is breaking, literally, on Wednesday, 6 September 2017. A new day is beginning and His mercies are new again.
I don't get to do 5 September 2017 again but I get to start fresh and new again today with a completely clean slate and I can be the best version of who God made me to be. It doesn't mean I won't come up short again, after all - I am human (I know, NEWS FLASH) but I will chose to approach my shortcomings differently and with renewed vigor to do better.
Tip of the day: Don't miss your workout, don't skip a meal, dont forget your quiet time with Jesus and don't forget to love on someone - these are key ingredients we all need to survive. Energy comes from these sources and if you aren't fueling your mind, body and soul, it's going to hard to be a blessing to others. Just sayin!
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